Confessions of THIS shopaholic

As I write this I’m on the train to my university. The clock on my computer has just hit 7am. I’ve been up for two hours already and yet I feel compelled to go back to sleep. The temptation of letting my body jostle as the train moves along, swaying my unconscious head from side to side is haunting me. I want to sleep so badly and yet I can’t, because I’ve got a lecture in an hour and my stop isn’t at the end of the line. I feel asleep on a bus once and missed my stop completely, only to be awoken by the bus driver who wanted me to get off ‘his bus’. He was tired and so was I, too tired to argue, so I got off the bus at the last stop and caught a bus back to my planned destination.

When you get to that destination what do you do though? The trip has ended, there’s no point in sleeping, that stage of the journey is no more. So you trudge up the hill in your opaque stockings and aline skirt, a satchel full of text books and those few buys you bought in the city on your way home. You didn’t plan to buy the pieces but heck, you did anyway. There’s that gorgeous Cable Knit Dress and that fabulous pair of Marc Jacob flats that you just couldn’t resist. They’ve left a dint of about half a grand in your wallet but because it’s on the credit card it’s all good.

Credit Card? These seem to be the answer to our prayers but no, no, no they aren’t. Interest and growing dependence on the cards are dangerous substances to work with. It’s like you’ve covered yourself in fuel and you’re smoking a lit cigarette. I personally don’t own a credit card and it’s not in my future plans. So when I’m thinking about my latest purchase it strikes me, I COULD have used a credit card... but I’m glad I didn’t. I don’t have my own home loan to contend with, I don’t have a car, I don’t have children and I have a job so it’s COMPLETELY out of the question. As much as I love Marc Jacob shoes and Chanel handbags I’m not going to get myself a credit card or apply for a loan to buy their latest collections.

Don’t sound like much of a shopaholic do I? I remember watching “Confessions of a Shopaholic” in March, a while back now, and feeling shopper’s remorse without even buying anything. I walked out of the cinema and there it was, that big pit of shame, I couldn’t buy anything for a whole two days. It got me thinking, is this guilt selfish guilt or is it honest guilt? Are we honestly worried about someone else? About our partner or our family?; or are we so caught up in our own selfish guilt that we are more worried about what others (the outside world) will think about our spending habits? It’s not about our bank balance at all. It’s about our reputation.

Years ago it was cool to own the latest thing, to spend a lot of money to look fashionable, in some areas it still is, but the majority of the world are more fixated on getting the best price and finding the best bargain. If you get the latest Prada bag it’s nice but selfish guilt kicks in and you start to think about how you will be viewed by the rest of society. Will they look down on you for being materialistic or will they look at you and think you are looking down on them? The uncertainty of your position in society tends to make you feel concerned for your reputation. Those who have already established a firm reputation as ‘a shopaholic’ have broken through the stage of ‘reputation concern’. The stress of the situation has decreased dramatically and their self esteem has sky rocketed as a result.

♥