So, it's 11pm and i got home from work about 30minutes ago. Today was my school's sports carnival, which is probably why i answered the specific question about gym wear yesterday. Today was also the day i got my semester report card, which of course showed how either, smart or dumb i was. Okay, before i go any further, i must warn you that this blog is not quite about the next coat to buy, or if knee highs are still in fashion (which they sadly aren't so much anymore), it's about me and my future. Boring, sure, for some but for others, such as myself, it can't be boring as i am living it.
Lifestyle blogs may not have the highest ratings and i do not intend to make this a lifestyle blog, although this one post will be exceptional to all other blogs on fashion and style, and SATC. Just to make sure, before i go of track, i will just go ahead with what i was planning to say.
Seem a little jumbled? i know. it seems everything is a little jumbled this evening. When i first got my report card this afternoon, i looked at it sure, but i didn't really pay attention to the specific areas my grades came from and my marks from my teachers. I skimmed, if you must have a specific term.
Tonight, however when i got home from work, and i showed my mother, she looked worried, yet pleased. She, of course, being the delightful human being she is told me she was impressed. This may have been the case, although when i finally read where my marks were from, i realised that, writing in english was below speaking. The rest of my report card was, interesting, to say the least, it had it's perks and it's downfalls, but i was not so shocked by any, as i was by these two marks, sitting right in front of me, telling me i was never going to get where i wanted to go. I had so many paths, but not the one i longed for. my path had hit a dead end.
Sure, as i ran into my room, and unpacked my sports carnival bag while crying, for the first time in about two months, i realised, i was being another drama queen, but the pain, the suffering of actually giving this semester my all, and failing at what i do best, well as least in my own eyes, i couldn't bear it.
Ever since i was 10 years old, possibly even younger i have longed for 'that job'. A features writer or editor at a magazine, the topic of my writing has changed a little. I once wanted to write about politics, then for a magazine like 'dolly', and then, for my now passion of fashion magazines.
So does it really matter if i get there? i mean i could always go on the dole or work in some crummy job at a fast food outlet, earn my money by selling everything i own, but how is that going to help? how is that going to be anything like 'feature writer at a fashion magazine'?
Some would say that, sure, OP scores and marks are not the only way to get where you want. But to me, they are. I have done so much research and there is no other way (legally) to get my dream job. I have to suffer through the QCS test, finding out my OP, and going to University for 20 years (maybe a slight exaggeration), because i didn't get the OP i needed so i will have to step it up. But to be truly honest that is not what is worrying me the most. Not the OP, the uni, or the QCS, but the fact that i failed myself. Something i thought i knew, i don't. Sure i have the passion and drive to get that job, but will i be able to do it, or will i be stuck writing simple sentences like, "The LBD is back", instead of something extravagant and eye catching?
I know pondering on an international blog may not be the best thing, but i needed to get this off my chest, and as my best friends aren't on messenger (probably due to sleep) i had to.
So sorry, to have written a blog out of context, but you know no one's perfect.
Clairzy
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